Synopsis of Self-Reliance
Written by Tamara Jaron
Jack and Dawson are in the Leery darkroom developing photos of Gretchen. Jack congratulates Dawson on his successful kiss with Gretchen the night before, but Dawson is playing it cool. It appears he wants to keep Gretchen as a friend and nothing more. He asks Jack to deliver a photo to Grams, and Jack is hurt that Dawson assumes he's headed to see Jen. Turns out Dawson's right -- Jack and Jen have plans to go to some sort of gay/straight teen coalition.
As they leave the darkroom, they run into Gretchen. There is an uncomfortable moment when all three of them stand in silence, and then Jack makes a quick exit. Gretchen wants to clear the air with Dawson. Last night's kiss was only a "season's greetings" kind of kiss. She claims it meant nothing more to her, and Dawson, in an attempt to hide his hurt, quickly agrees with her.
Joey and Pacey are holding down the Potter fort while Bessie is out of town. Pacey is looking forward to it as a chance for the two of them to be alone, but Joey reminds him that they have a two-year-old to babysit and a whole lot of homework to do.
Pacey wants to talk about Dawson's kiss with Gretchen, but Joey avoids the subject. She is totally stressed out about school.
Jack is not thrilled to be at the gay/straight teen coalition.
"Just take a look around," says Jack. "This is totally not my scene."
"How do you know?" asks Jen.
"For one thing, I'm the only guy without any piercings."
"Jack, your scene, as you so quaintly referred to it, basically consists of me, Dawson, and it pains me to say it Grams. Look, I know this is hard for you, but you cannot spend your whole life surrounded by straight people."
One of the coalition members, a young guy with dog tags and glasses, approaches them from behind.
"Hey, you here for the meeting?" he asks.
"Yes we are," says Jen.
"Thank God," he answers. "We need more lesbians with decent haircuts. I'm Tobey."
"Jen, but I'm actually just here as a friend. Jack -- Tobey, Tobey -- Jack," she says, introducing the two guys.
"Do I know you?" asks Tobey.
"No, I don't think so," answers a curt Jack.
"I've definitely seen you in something. You're the gay football player! Last year from the news. We always wondered about you."
Jack looks very uncomfortable and Tobey notices this. "Hey, I'm sorry, was I wrong? You're not the gay football player?"
"No, I am," says Jack, "It's just that I'm not comfortable with labels like that."
"I see, and which label bothers you more," asks Tobey, "gay or football player?" He walks off.
Dawson has come to Mr. Brooks to ask him for directing advice. He wants to know what makes a good director. Mr. Brooks is reluctant to teach him, but finally agrees with one stipulation -- Dawson must list Mr. Brooks as his film's producer. Dawson agrees.
Jack is definitely turned off by Tobey. It bothers him how often he uses the word gay. Jen looks like she's enjoying herself, and she's enjoying how uncomfortable Jack is feeling. She thinks it's good for him to be out with his peers.
Tobey asks Jack to stand up and introduce himself. Jack reluctantly gets up and explains his experience with peewee soccer, but Tobey is able to guess the outcome before Jack has a chance to finish. Tobey asks Jack what he did after he was fired as couch, and Jack admits he did nothing. Tobey then asks him why he didn't protest the decision, saying it was not a step forward for gay rights. Jack argues that he wasn't thinking about gay rights at the time, and Tobey humiliates him in front of the entire group.
Jack and Jen then get in trouble for whispering, and to get out of it, Jen agrees to join the next coalition event.
Joey is trying to get some work done, but to no avail. Out in the kitchen, Pacey is trying to entertain Joey's nephew by letting him pound on appliances with salad spoons. Joey comes out to put a stop to the noise and decides that the only way she's going to get any work done will be if Pacey is not around. She proceeds to grab him, dresses him in his coat, and throws him out of the house. He puts up a fight, but he is not successful. Once Pacey is out, she turns to face her nephew and hears a knock on the door. Thinking it's Pacey, she opens it mid-sentence only to discover a couple looking for a room. She agrees, thinking two people can't be too much trouble, and then regrets her decision as two little kids run in behind them.
The next morning at the Witter house, Pacey confronts Gretchen about the kiss.
"What the hell were you thinking kissing Dawson at the Leery's holiday party the other night?" he asks.
"Oh, you saw that, huh?" she asks.
"Oh Yeah I saw that. And so did somebody else I know. And as much as I would love to erase that image from my mind, I'm afraid it's pretty much burned in there irrevocably, so please, please explain yourself to me. Tell me why you had to kiss Dawson, and not somebody else your own advanced age?"
"Do we have to talk about this before I have my coffee?" asks Gretchen.
"Yes!" exclaims Pacey.
"Okay. It was an accident. Pure mistletoe. It meant nothing. He knows that and I know that. It was just a kiss."
"There's no such thing as just a kiss," says Pacey. "Especially not in Capeside."
"Didn't you people ever play spin the bottle?" she asks.
"Unfortunately that quaint little 80's tradition of yours had gone the way of the dodo by the time I hit puberty."
"And besides," she continues, "why do you care who Dawson kisses?"
"Personally, I don't care. But someone that I know does."
"Okay, then why aren't you at Joey's? Talking to her instead of harassing me -- and drinking all the orange juice."
"I'm not a complete moron you know," he says, taking a swig of juice straight from the jug. "I tried that already. And she said she hasn't had time to run her mind over it yet."
"Oh, big lie."
"Yeah, huge lie. So now I've really got two options. I can either take the high road and pretend like I believe what she's telling me, or I can take the low road, force the issue, and just come off looking like a world-class jerk. What do I do Gretch?"
"I think you should just be the best boyfriend you can be. I think you should be understanding, and sweet, and kind."
"And if none of that works?" asks Pacey.
"Force the issue. Be a world-class jerk. You can do it Pacey, I know you can. I have complete and total faith in you."
It's the day of Joey's big test and she is not ready. She's got the cliff notes and Dawson points out that he's never seen her with those before. She says they're just to supplement her studying, but she looks stressed. She won't tell Dawson the truth, and Dawson knows it. He is concerned for her, but more concerned that she would lie to him. Perhaps he suspects that his kiss with Gretchen really bothered her.
Jack does not want to go bowling with Tobey's group. Jen is trying to talk him into it and talk up Tobey. Jack definitely feels no attraction for him, or if he is, he's not admitting to it. He doesn't like the militant aspect of Tobey's group, and he doesn't want his homosexuality to define who he is. Jen agrees with him and then tells him that she is going bowling without him.
Dawson is shooting the first few scenes of his movie biography of Mr. Brooks. He wants to know what makes a movie great, but as soon as the subject turns to love triangles, Mr. Brooks decides he doesn't want to talk anymore. Dawson gets upset about his unwillingness to speak and wants to know what he's hiding. Mr. Brooks finally agrees to tell all at dinner.
Joey is at home alone with her nephew. She is trying to guess what her grade will be on the test, and finally realizes that she's sure to get a C. Pacey arrives with a bag of groceries and the intention to help Joey by cooking dinner and watching the kid. Joey is in a foul mood and it's more than the test.
"I'm tired," she says. "I'm so tired about worry about Alexander. And so I'm tired of waiting on people, and I'm so tired of doing everything by myself." She starts to cry.
"Joe, you don't have to do it by yourself. That's why I'm here. I want to be able to help you. I just can't help you if you won't tell me the truth."
"This is the truth," she says.
"No it's not. The truth is what's really bothering you is what happened between Dawson and Gretchen."
"I am not upset about Dawson and Gretchen," she insists.
"No, maybe not," agrees Pacey, "but you are certainly upset about Dawson and you."
"That is not true."
"It's not true?"
"No!"
"Please tell me the truth, because it's certainly not about me and you. I haven't screwed up for at least a day or two."
"Know what, you haven't, you never do. You are the perfect boyfriend. You win the perfect boyfriend contest. You beat Dawson. Is that what you want to hear?"
She picks up Alexander and leaves the room.
Later that night, Pacey is still playing the dutiful boyfriend and Joey is still angry with him. Pacey is worried that if they don't talk about the Dawson thing that it might affect their relationship. He's also concerned that they never talk about the future. Joey doesn't agree with him, but she finally admits that she was bothered by the Dawson and Gretchen kiss. Pacey is happy that she's able to open up to him. Joey also admits that she thinks about the future and it's Pacey who she sees in her future. But, she and Dawson have not gotten over their past relationship -- they have not matured at all.
Pacey tells her that he thinks she should talk to Dawson about it. She should talk to Dawson and then call Pacey.
Jen is warming up to Tobey at the bowling lanes. Jack arrives to join in the fun, and Tobey proceeds to make fun of Jack's letterman jacket. He thinks it's a big joke, and Jen tries to prevent an argument.
Mr. Brooks is reminiscing about his favorite movies. Dawson notices that Brooks isn't feeling well and asks if he can get him something. Brooks barks that he wants a stiff drink, and Dawson goes to fetch it. When he returns, Mr. Brooks has fallen asleep in the chair.
Jen is asking Jack if he's embarrassed to be at gay bowling night. Jack says he's just embarrassed about the bowling part. When Tobey arrives to add his two cents, Jen tries to play matchmaker by taking herself out of the equation. Jack and Tobey are left alone, and Jack can't help but pick a fight. Jack thinks that Tobey doesn't like him because he's not "gay" enough. Tobey says that he only believes that Jack doesn't know what it's really like to be gay. Because Jack is in with the popular crowd, he doesn't know what it's like to be ostracized. Jack gets insulted by Tobey's unending assumptions and his lack of interest to find out what Jack's life has really been like. After they share a few words, Jack excuses himself from the bowling party.
Dawson arrives home to find Joey in his bedroom. She's come to talk about the test -- and the kiss. She admits that she lied to him about the test, and that she wasn't able to study, but Dawson has no sympathy. He thought that she had Pacey's help that night. She says that she kicked Pacey out, and Dawson feels even less sorry for her. He thinks she should have kept Pacey around because he's great with kids and more than willing to help.
Dawson pulls out her Christmas present -- it's a black and white photo of Pacey and Joey by the Christmas Tree. Joey is touched by Dawson's generosity. They begin to talk about the party and Joey brings up the kiss. She wants to know what's up between them. Dawson insists that they're just friends and he doesn't want to ruin that. Joey doesn't believe that he's not interested, and says that a relationship with Gretchen would not guarantee and end to their friendship. Just look at Dawson and Joey. They have remained friends despite all that has happened between them. She says that Gretchen would be lucky to have Dawson. She then kisses him goodnight.
Pacey goes to see Joey's English teacher in order to defend Joey. He wants the teacher to let Joey retake the test, but the teacher says no. The teacher is impressed by Pacey's effort, but stands by the rules.
Jack runs into Tobey by the docks. Jack stands his ground, and Tobey is appreciative. Tobey opens up to Jack, but Jack is not ready to do the same.
Joey's English teacher approaches her in the library to break the news about the test and tell her about Pacey's visit. Turns out she got a C minus. Joey is stunned to learn that Pacey stood up for her, and even more stunned when the teacher offers to let her take a make-up test. Her only punishment is that she will automatically lose a half a letter grade. The teacher then advises her that when things get rough, she should be able to look to her friends for help.
Dawson comes to Mr. Brooks' house and runs into a nurse. Dawson is surprised -- he didn't even know that Brooks was sick. Dawson has come to pick up his camera and go, but Brooks insists that he stick around and continue to film the documentary. He's had a change in heart and wants to be able to leave something behind when he goes. Dawson puts back the camera and continues his work. Brooks tells him the story of the woman he loved -- a woman who followed him from Vegas to Hollywood.
Joey calls Pacey over to her house to thank him for getting the teacher to let her retake the test. Since the test is tomorrow, she needs his help while she studies. She goes to kiss him and he pulls away. He wants to know how things went with Dawson.
"I did what you asked," she says kissing him. "All ghosts locked firmly away. Except for the ghost of Christmas future, and there's really no reason."
"There is something else, we probably should be doing," says Pacey. Pacey spends the night helping her study for the test.
Dawson runs into Gretchen on purpose. He wants to talk to her about the kiss. He admits that it meant more to him and he didn't tell her because he didn't want to be hurt. He puts it all on the line for her, and she says once again that the kiss meant nothing to her.
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