Synopsis of The Te of Pacey
Written by Tamara Jaron
Pacey wakes up to a "Happy Birthday" cupcake from Joey. She is singing to him as he sleeps on the couch. Pacey rolls over and tells her to go away.
"You better make a wish before I set this couch on fire," says a disappointed Joey.
"My wish would be for no further acknowledgment of today's hollow symbolic meaning as a milestone in the life of Pacey Witter," responds a grumpy Pacey.
"Okay," says Joey, blowing out the candle on top of the cupcake. "Of course, now that you've told me your wish, it can't possibly come true."
"Look," says Pacey, getting up from the couch, "I understand your naïve enthusiasm, okay. I mean, what's the harm in celebrating a birthday? Everybody does it. What you don't know is that every birthday that I've had since I was ten years old, has been a complete disaster. I'm talking gut wrenching, soul searching, question the universe agony."
"At least you're not being dramatic about it," says an unimpressed Joey.
"For example, my 12th birthday party - my first boy/girl party - I ate so much pizza and ice cream I puked on Justine Sherman, a girl who I had a massive crush on. Do you remember this?"
Joey nods.
"She then proceeded to call me Pacey Pukey for the rest of the year, a quaint little nickname that my family picked up on and now resurfaces itself every year around this time to hearty laughs all around. Of course, it's probably not as bad as 16, the year that I threw myself a party, and nobody decided to show up. That was good. Oh yeah, I also failed my driver's test the same year. But neither of those will ever ever be 14. The day I was mauled by a dog. So if you don't mind, this year I think I'll just skip it."
"No," responds a resolute Joey.
"Well, there may be one way that we can avert disaster," says Pacey. "If you and I were to spend a quiet evening alone here."
"I promise, just you and me," lies Joey as she hugs him.
Jack and Dawson are discussing Dawson's newfound relationship with Gretchen. Gretchen has agreed to go out on a date. Dawson is terrified and Jack thinks it's because he hasn't told Pacey and Joey yet. Dawson denies this saying that he's only terrified because he hasn't seen Gretchen since their kiss and there is a "massive buildup" to their first date. He says that if Pacey and Joey ask, he'll tell them the truth - he's not worried about it at all. Jack does not buy it - he wants to know how it turns out.
At Pacey and Gretchen's house, Joey and Pacey are sitting at the kitchen table while Gretchen stands at the sink. Gretchen asks Joey if she has any plans for Pacey's birthday. Joey says she doesn't. Pacey, distracted by some mail he's received, doesn't hear their conversation and he abruptly takes off to put his shoes on. Now that Joey has Gretchen alone, she tells her that she's taking Pacey to a surprise party as Pacey's parents' house and asks her if she'll come. Gretchen thinks it's a bad idea. Apparently their parents are crazy and Pacey will forever hate Joey for it, but Joey admits that it was their mother's idea, not hers. She couldn't say no. She begs Gretchen to come along. When Joey asks Gretchen if she has any plans, she is immediately defensive and says that she doesn't. So much for her night alone with Dawson. She agrees to go to the party.
Jen and Grams are doing arts & crafts in the kitchen. Grams is in a great mood and she asks Jen what her plans for the night are. Jen still has to finish up five hours of community service, so she's agreed to chauffeur drunken teenagers home from parties. She's not looking forward to it. Grams is not listening to a word she is saying. Jen tests her by saying something obnoxious and Grams keeps smiling and ignoring her.
"Okay," says Jen, "what is with you?"
"With me?"
"Yeah, come on, you're all flighty and spacey...my god, you're thinking about sex, aren't you?"
Grams chokes on her tea. "Jennifer," she scolds.
"Well it's nothing to be ashamed of Grams. When two people fall in love, it is perfectly natural to daydream about sex."
"I will admit," says Grams, "I enjoy Mr. Brooks' company. But I most certainly am not in love. And for the record, we are not having sex."
"Be that as it may I have to ask, have you had the talk?" asks Jen.
"What talk?"
"The safe-sex talk," says Jen. "Grams, it's a prerequisite these days. Plus, you've got to find out what this guy is into. It could be kinky - it could be S&M, toys..."
(Who talks to their grandmother like this?)
"Stop," says Grams, "now I know what you are trying to do. You are trying to freak me out. Because you hate decoupage, or because you hope to be grounded so you can get out of community service today."
"Did you just say 'freak me out'?" asks Jen.
"But it's not going to work, because when it comes to safe sexuality, I've got my bases covered. And when it comes to decoupage, the more you practice the better you get, AND when it comes to community service tonight, you're going."
"You are very sneaky, you know that?," says Jen. "You just turned around that entire conversation without ever having to admit that you were daydreaming about sex. I'm impressed."
"I've learned from the best," smirks Grams.
"Well that's true," admits Jen.
Dawson stops by the restaurant to plan his date with Gretchen. She tells him about the change of plans. Looks like they'll have to have their first date at the birthday party. Gretchen suggests that they postpone the whole first date thing, sounds like she's having second thoughts. Dawson wants to know why, and she admits that she's nervous about telling people about their relationship. She doesn't want to have to tell Pacey and Joey, and Dawson wants to know if it has to do with the rest of her family as well. He doesn't want to sneak around and hide things and he wants to know why she's acting this way. He suggests that if she feels the need to hide, that maybe it's something they shouldn't be doing in the first place. Gretchen doesn't disagree, and Dawson is left wondering if their relationship has any future. He leaves the restaurant.
Jen is getting ready for her night of community service. At the service center, she is partnered up with Tobey (from a previous episode). He is volunteering his time and Jen is happy to see a friendly face. She suggests that they make a stop at the party to see Jack. She is trying to play matchmaker because she knows that Tobey is gay. Apparently Tobey and Jack didn't hit it off too well the first time they met, and Tobey is hesitant to try it again. Tobey does not want to be set up by Jen and he tells her that he's already taken. Jen insists that she's just trying to set them up as friends and that she has no ulterior motive.
Joey has blindfolded Pacey and, though he doesn't know it, she is escorting him to his parents' house for the party. Pacey wants to have a guess.
"Perhaps a remote dock, you brought some candles and some champagne, and birthday cake that you're going to feed to me by hand while serenading me, off key of course, and dressed only in Victoria's Secret lingerie, after which you will lay me down under the stars and ravish me."
"Close Pace, very close," says Joey as she takes off the blindfold.
Imagine his surprise when he discovers that he is standing on his parents' porch.
They walk into the house and Pacey's father is sitting in the barcalounger watching TV.
"Oh you're here," he says, unenthusiastically, "surprise." No one else is around.
Pacey's mother comes out of the kitchen. "Oh shoot," she says, "we missed it. Surprise!"
Everyone suddenly comes out of the kitchen. A nephew runs over and punches Pacey in the groin and he doubles over in pain. Joey is horrified, but there is nothing she can do about the situation now. Pacey's older brother walks in and puts his arm around Joey and Pacey.
"There's my birthday cursed little brother," he laughs. "Oh I can't wait to see what disasters befall you on this joyous occasion. Well, let the games begin."
Both Gretchen and Pacey grimace.
Dawson is wrestling on the floor with the little kids. Gretchen tries to talk to him, but he makes a quick escape. The camera pans onto Pacey who is sitting on the couch looking decidingly gloomy. Joey is sitting next to him, not knowing what to do to cheer him up. Joey and Jack are admiring a photo of the family dog. According to Gretchen, the dog is dead. Joey wants to know what happened to it, and Gretchen says that it is something the family doesn't speak of.
Pacey's father comes into the sitting room and insults Pacey's other sister. He then goes on about his own 18th birthday.
"You know on my 18th birthday I was trudging through a jungle in Denang," he says. "Machines under my shoulder, fifty pounds of ammo on my back - I saw a lot of tragedy that day. But I celebrated that night with a gorgeous 30-year-old Vietnamese beauty. Several times, I might add. Know that, that was an 18th birthday." Joey's eyes are wide open and Pacey is ready with his comeback.
"I thought you had to be 18 to join the army, pop," says Pacey.
"Are you calling me a liar son?" Tensions start to rise as his father deposits himself back in front of the TV.
"Now John," says Pacey's mother, "just because Pacey's not out there defending his country, doesn't mean he's not a man today. And I know if there were a war on, assuming they'd take him, he'd enlist tomorrow. Wouldn't you honey?"
Pacey's looks like he's about to fly off the handle, and Joey doesn't know what to make of the whole thing.
"Sure thing, ma," says Pacey, with just a hint of sarcasm. His mother than calls Joey by the wrong name and Pacey makes it a point to correct her.
Pacey's father points at Jack saying, "Who the hell are you?"
Pacey gets up and walks into the dining room to confront Joey. He wants to know what would have possessed her to bring him to the party.
"Okay," she says, defensively, "you're family, out of the kindness of their hearts, wanted to throw a party for you for your 18th birthday. What was I supposed to say?"
"My family could give a crap about me or my birthday," replies an exasperated Pacey. "This is just an excuse for my father to get a little bit drunker than usual, have some birthday cake, tell me I'm a disappointment, and then pass out in his chair while watching 'When Animals Attack'."
"Okay so they're not perfect, granted," argues Joey, "but they're your family Pacey. Don't you get what that means? The least you could do is make a little bit of an effort."
"It doesn't matter what kind of an effort I make," says a suddenly quiet Pacey. "I'm still going to fail."
Joey feels like she's missed something. "Fail? Fail at what? Pace, what are you talking about?"
"Nothing," he lies. He looks like he's about to cry as Joey reassures him that they will make it through the night together. He doesn't believe her.
In the kitchen, Gretchen confronts Dawson and accuses him of giving her the cold shoulder. He is still hurt by their earlier conversation, and she is apologetic. She wants to hang out with him.
Jen and Tobey are busy doing their civic duty. Jen is probing for information about Tobey's boyfriend. He says that "Greg" is the exact opposite of Jack - perfect in every way. Blond hair, blue eyes, with a lesbian mother who teaches poetry in college. Jen just listens attentively.
Joey walks out onto the Witter porch and finds Pacey sitting alone.
"You know it's not that bad. We've been here for forty-five minutes without a major crisis, and only two hours to go - at the most, three. So legally, you're not aloud to still be mad at me for throwing this thing."
"I'm not mad at you," says Pacey.
"You're not?" Joey notices that he looks like he's been crying. "So what's wrong? Why are you so upset?"
"Well, I'm upset because...because I didn't...I just ah..."
"You didn't what?" asks Joey, realizing he has something to tell her.
"Can we not talk about this right here? Do you mind if we just take a little walk?" Pacey pulls Joey up and they start walking off the porch. Pacey's dad comes out onto the porch and calls them inside. Apparently he wants to talk to Joey. They follow him back inside.
"I just want to thank you," says Mr. Witter, "for putting thoughts of college into my son's head."
"Oh, Mr. Witter, while I'm happy that Pacey wants to go to college, I don't think that I can take all the credit for that."
"Well I gotta blame someone," he responds, "'cause Pacey's big dream means I'm gonna have to finance another dropout's half-assed education."
"Gretchen didn't drop out of school, pop," says Pacey, sticking up for his sister.
"Oh really," says his father, "'cause I didn't realize working as a barmaid in a fish restaurant qualified as a college education. Then again, I'm just an uncouth, uneducated police officer. Putting his life on the line everyday for the people of this town - what do I know?"
Now it's Joey's turn to stick up for Pacey.
"Mr. Witter, I really don't think Pacey's will be dropping out. I think he's going to do great in college. Just you wait.
"My prediction," responds Pacey's father, "if he doesn't drop out, he'll flunk out. It's a waste of his time and my money."
Pacey's mother joins in on the attack. "Oh honey, just because Pacey flunked a class or two in high school, doesn't mean he's going to do the same thing in college. Right sweetie? But I have faith in you, and I know that one day my faith will pay off. So no matter how many times you let us down honey, my faith will be there to pick you right back up."
Now Pacey is truly on the verge of tears.
"Your faith and my bank account," says Mr. Witter. "Pacey should set his sights on something he can accomplish, like refrigeration and heating repair. We always knew Gretchen was college material, but Pacey. Do you remember when Pacey was a kid and he wanted to be a veterinarian? And you always said..."
"I always said 'dog groomer, honey'," says his mother. "What about dog groomer?"
"Exactly, someone has to be the dog groomer."
Pacey looks at Joey as though he's heard this all a million times. Only this time, something is making this hurt especially bad.
Down in the basement, Dawson and Gretchen are hanging out with the little kids. Gretchen has something to show them. She has a miniature planetarium. They turn out the lights and Gretchen tells them a story about a little girl named Isabella who spends eternity dancing amongst the stars. Every star she visits, she leaves and she is forever alone. Dawson turns the story into an allegory for their relationship. Apparently Gretchen is afraid of getting involved with him because she know that she will leave eventually. Dawson tells her that Isabella was better off meeting all the stars regardless of what happened in the end. The kids run out and Dawson and Gretchen are left alone in the starry room.
Back downstairs, Joey is consoling Pacey. She believes he is going to go to college and prove them all wrong. No matter how much she hugs or smiles, she is not cheering him up.
"What if I don't," he asks. "What if they are 100% correct, and I am simply too stupid to do anything worthwhile with my life?"
"What are you talking about?" asks a horrified Joey. "Pace, what's going on? This can't just be about your birthday."
"No, it's not just about my birthday," he says, and he asks her to come down to the basement with him.
When they get downstairs, they turn on the lights and discover Dawson and Gretchen making out on the couch. Surprise! Mrs. Witter calls them all the dinner and a shocked Pacey and Joey head back upstairs.
They sit down for dinner and Pacey is looking accusatorily at Gretchen. His mom brings out what she claims is Pacey's favorite meal - chipped beef on toast. Pacey informs her that his favorite is spaghetti and meatballs, and his brother's is chipped beef on toast. Pacey is starting to get angry and bitter. Meanwhile, he is just staring at Gretchen across the table.
Joey runs into Dawson in the kitchen and asks about his relationship with Gretchen. Dawson tries to explain, but Joey doesn't want to hear it. She leaves and Gretchen comes in to find out what Dawson said to Joey. Suddenly Dawson wants Gretchen to decide what she wants from their relationship. He leaves and Pacey comes in. Gretchen wants to talk, but Pacey isn't interested. He's more worried about how he's going to tell Joey what's been bothering him.
Back on the road, Jen and Tobey are driving around some really drunk teenagers. A little comic interlude.
At the Witter house, Pacey is opening his birthday presents. He is not thrilled with the selection - an ashtray (he doesn't smoke), and fireworks. His mother suddenly suggests that they share childhood memories of Pacey in order to bond. Pacey is getting more and more upset, and Joey is holding onto him just to keep him from bursting out of his spot on the floor.
His mother begins. "My memory would have to be when Pacey was a baby. It was such a relief to finally have a late bloomer. Never bothered anybody. Used to fall asleep in cardboard boxes." Everyone shares a laugh.
"Who remembers the time we almost left Pace at 31 Flavors?" asks his brother, Doug.
"We were practically driving away when this woman flagged us down with Pacey wailing in her arms. I swear we would have driven home before we realized he was even gone. I tell you, he was so upset that he peed his pants."
Gretchen is not sharing in the fun of tormenting her brother. "You know my favorite Pacey memory," she says. "when I was in fifth grade there was this bully named Max Brody, and he was the meanest kid you'd ever want to meet. And one day he pushed me off the swing set, hard, I split my lip open. And Pacey, who was in second grade at the time, was sitting over in a sandbox. And when he saw Max push me - I've never seen anybody run so fast. And he just started punching and kicking him screaming 'stay away from my sister'. But that's Pacey, bravest guy I know." Everyone nods in agreement.
"Brave and foolish," interrupts his father. "As I recall, Pacey came home crying because that bully beat the pulp out of him."
Pacey's other sister offers her two cents. "What about the time Pacey got up at 5 o'clock in the morning and decided to make pancakes for the whole entire family. But he set the kitchen on fire and Scraps died of smoke inhalation." So that's how the family dog died. At this point, Pacey has his head in his hands, and Joey looks at him, fearful that he's about to snap.
"Alright," says his father, breaking the awkward silence, "I have a Pacey story."
"Oh enough!" interrupts Pacey. "Enough. As much as I love being publicly eviscerated on my own birthday, I think we can all guess what the theme of this happy anecdote is going to be. Pacey, messes up yet again, am I right? Pacey kills the dog, or pees his pants, or pukes, or gets the pulp kicked out of him. But you know what else the theme might be? The theme of every birthday I've ever had? The theme of my entire life for that matter? No one gives Pacey a break. Everyone expects the absolute worst out of Pacey. Pacey gets the short end of the stick. Pacey gets fireworks and an ashtray and chipped beef on toast for his birthday and endlessly harassed because how dare he want to go to college so that he can possibly get out of this place. But you know what dad, you and your wallet can breath easy because I don't think I could go to college even if I wanted to. Because I found out today that the only school I thought would take me, my fallback school, rejected me. So I'm not going to college. So I guess at the end of the day you guys are right. I'm going to end up exactly where you thought I would be. A complete and utter failure." Pacey storms out of the house and runs into Jen and Tobey singing happy birthday on the porch. Joey follows close behind.
Joey and Dawson grab their coats and head out to look for Pacey. Meanwhile, the party continues without Pacey. Jack sees Tobey and goes over to talk to him. Tobey says some mean things and drives Jack away. As Jack leaves, looking upset, Tobey starts to feel guilty.
In the car, Joey informs Dawson that she doesn't care about his relationship with Gretchen. Dawson admits that he's not sure what their relationship is, and Joey warns him that the Witters always keep their emotions close. Joey feels guilty about not seeing that Pacey was hurting earlier, and Dawson reassures her that it's not her fault that he's upset.
Pacey is sitting alone at the marina, and his father walks up. He's brought his coat. Pacey wants to know how he found him, and his father admits that he found out through the police station - someone reported a strange person creeping on the docks. He sits down next to Pacey.
"You know I never told this to anyone," he confides, "and I will personally hunt you down if you breathe it to a soul. But I got rejected the first time I applied to the police academy."
"You did?" asks a surprised Pacey.
"Yep. Let me tell you Pacey, it was devastating."
"I know I'm not college material, pop. But I just really, really wanted it."
"Look son, I know that I've been hard on you about school. It's not because I don't think you're good enough to go and get in. Pacey I just don't know if it's the right thing for you. I don't know if it's ever been right for you. But ask me if I think that you're meant to do great things..." he trails off. "By the way, I never did get to tell my remembering Pacey story. It was about your 10th birthday. I got you fireworks, and you said it was the best present you'd ever got. And we set them off out back down by the water, and you, you were really happy Pacey. And so I was too."
Pacey smiles.
Jen and Tobey are back in the car. Jen has decided that she wants to continue volunteering to drive even after her hours of community service are finished. She also shares that she's figured out why Tobey was so mean to Jack at the party. He boyfriend "Greg" is just a fabrication. He likes Jack. She advises him to be Jack's friend if he wants to be a part of his life.
Pacey and his dad head back to the house. It is dark when they arrive, and everyone jumps out with a half-eaten cake to yell "surprise." Pacey looks a lot happier than when he left and he blows out the candles.
Gretchen and Dawson are making a fire outside. Gretchen sits down and explains why she is scared about starting a relationship. Turns out she IS afraid that she is going to hurt him if she leaves. Dawson reminds her that he will be leaving too at the end of the year, but the point is to enjoy the present time together. He convinces her and they share a very tender kiss.
Joey finds Pacey out on the porch. She apologizes for the party and he blames it on the curse. She tries to make him feel better and he admits that he feels like he's getting pulled away from her. Joey thinks it doesn't have to be that way, that they just need to try harder to keep their relationship in place. She wishes him a happy birthday and they kiss under the fireworks. How did he get so lucky with her?
Everyone gathers down by the water to set off fireworks. Everyone is happy for a moment and Pacey's father puts his arm around Pacey.
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