Synopsis of Admissions
Written by Tamara Jaron
It's college acceptance time and Joey and Dawson are both called down to the school administration for an important message. Meanwhile, it looks like Jen and Jack have already heard from all their schools and have five to choose from. Joey is just concerned about making it into her first pick, Worthington. Dawson and Joey meet up at the front office and are both told to call home (in front of each other and simultaneously). They're both pretty nervous -- for Joey it's Worthington on the line, for Dawson it's NYU. The result? Joey got her dream acceptance to one of the top fictional schools in the country. Dawson got rejected from one of the top film schools.
Joey's happiness is overshadowed by her concern for Dawson. She doesn't want to celebrate in front on him, knowing that NYU was his first choice. Dawson insists that he is fine and that she deserves to celebrate. He's happy for her.
Pacey bounds in to the scene and Joey hesitates to tell him the news. Again, she doesn't wanted it to seem like she's celebrating in front of Dawson. Dawson recognizes how uncomfortable she is and excuses himself with finesse. After he leaves, Joey reveals the bad news about Dawson and the good news about herself. Pacey picks her up in a big congratulatory bear hug. He is very happy for her.
Joey still can't be outwardly happy -- she feels guilty.
"Oh come on," says Pacey, "be happy! You heard the man, you've got nothing to feel guilty about here."
"It's just so surreal," says Joey. "I mean, stuff like this doesn't happen to me."
Pacey looks at her and then pulls her toward the door.
"Where are we going?" asks Joey. "We still have sixth period."
"Today is about the future," responds Pacey, "you're future. And I have a funny feeling you're not going to believe that letter until you see it."
"Pacey, I just can't cut class."
"Oh what, you're not going to get into class? Come on..."
He manages to drag her away from school.
Meanwhile, Jack and Jen are knee deep in research, trying to pick a school to attend.
"No," says Jack as Jen picks up the Cornell admission video. "No, no, no, I'm not watching that video again Jen. It's too hand-held -- it's going to make me hurl. But I do like the one with the Queen profession who's talking about the statue of liberty."
"You laughed through the whole thing," says Jen. "Jack, come on, be serious."
"Alright."
"We've got a lot of schools to cover and we need to make an informed decision here. So, let's do this systematically."
"Jen, I don't know why we're wasting our time with this. We both know that there is only one choice, right? The University of New York." Jen gives him an unhappy look.
"What?" asks Jack. "It's a great school. And you're the one who's always saying that New York is the only city worth living in, so can't we just do this?"
"What would you say if I said that I wasn't so sure anymore?" asks Jen.
"I'd say, someone needs to deal with her issues."
Jen doesn't respond.
Bessie and Body are at home making a grocery list when Joey and Pacey walk in the door. The instant they see her they enthusiastically congratulate her. Bessie then thinks to wonder why they've come home from school so early. Pacey explains the reason and requests the acceptance letter.
Body runs off to get it and Joey asks Bessie what they've interrupted. Bessie explains that they are planning a barbecue to celebrate the first Potter getting accepted to college. Joey's face is lit up with a toothy grin and when she reads the acceptance letter, she is even more overjoyed.
Dawson runs downstairs to answer a knock at the front door. He runs into his mother, who is treating him like there's been a loss in the family. Dawson is tired of being handled with kid gloves and insists that he will recover from the disappointment. Dawson opens the door to Gretchen and they share an awkward kiss (awkward for the audience since the couple is standing right in front of his mother). When they finish, Mrs. Leery begs Gretchen to get Dawson's mind off the whole NYU thing. An exasperated Dawson finally convinces his mom to leave them alone.
When they are alone, Dawson admits that he is bummed. He thinks if NYU doesn't want him then he doesn't have a chance with USC. Gretchen doesn't see his logic. She tells him that his rejection from NYU does not have any bearing on his chances with USC. And besides that, Mr. Brooks never went to film school and was still able to have a successful film career. Dawson's outlook is completely turned around by her encouraging words. He kisses her.
Jen is having a hard time getting comfortable at therapy.
"You and that couch have always gotten along well in the past," remarks her therapist. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I'm having a problem with Jack," replies Jen. "See, we both want to go to the same college, or at least be in the same city. To help each other through freshman angst and all."
"Sounds like a plan. A support system is always good -- especially if you're in foreign surroundings."
"That's the point, they wouldn't be foreign if we go where he wants to go."
"Which is where?" he asks.
"New York City," says Jen, knowing she's just opened up a can of worms. Her therapist leans in closer.
"Which brings us back to your least favorite topic."
"My parents?" asks Jen.
"Why do you think, Jen, they keep finding their way into this room?"
"That sounds suspiciously like a question you already know the answer to," says Jen, avoiding the subject -- or at least trying.
"I think you do also," he says.
"You know you're very pushy today," she says, still trying to get the topic off track.
"It's Wednesday," he answers. "I'm kind of pushy on Wednesdays. Fridays I'm not so pushy."
"You're trying to make me laugh aren't you?" asks Jen.
"I'm trying to figure out why you don't talk about your parents with the same rye sense of humor you seem to apply to every other topic?"
"Why?" She asks, uncomfortably.
"Because maybe then we'll get some real answers in here. When's the last time you actually talked to them?"
"My mom came down last Thanksgiving. She made a pathetic attempt to resuscitate our relationship."
"Your father?" he asks.
"I don't know. I don't know. God, it's not like I ever really talked with the man in the first place. He just sort of -- he just kind of talks at you, or through you, or around you."
"Try to remember Jen."
Jen pinches her eyes closed, fighting back the tears. "This is stupid."
"Pretend like it's not," he says, "for me."
"Why?" she asks, getting upset. "So then you'll tell me the point of remembering some ridiculous conversation that obviously meant nothing to me at the time."
"Perhaps it did -- mean nothing to you at the time -- but it obviously means a great deal to you now," he says.
Jen puts her hands over her mouth in a vain effort not to have to talk about it. "You know what," she says, "I want to leave."
"Do you?" he asks, disappointed. "Or do you want to stay and find out why this is so hard for you?"
Jen looks lost and confused -- like she doesn't really know what she wants.
Joey and Pacey return from a grocery run for the barbecue. As they're unpacking the car, Joey tries to broach the subject of what this news means for their relationship. Pacey avoids the subject, and when Joey calls him on it he admits that he doesn't want to take away from her celebration. He wants her to enjoy the moment and they can discuss the future later. Joey doesn't argue.
She goes into the kitchen ahead of him as he heads to the garage for a dolly to carry the charcoal. As she enters the door, she discovers another letter from Worthington waiting for her -- it's her financial aid package. As she reads it, her face falls. Bessie approaches and asks what the problem is. Joey tells her that the college expects her to pay $15,000 worth of her education for the year. Bessie thinks it must be a mistake -- they don't have that kind of money.
Joey is heartbroken. She can't afford to go the college of her dreams.
Joey and Bessie have made an emergency trip to the school guidance counselor. She explains that because the B&B had a profit the previous year, the college will not offer them financial aid. She then goes on to suggest that Joey take out student loans to cover the tuition, and Joey adamantly rejects that option. She does not want to graduate from college with that much debt. She decides that not all dreams are meant to come true and one of her other possible colleges will have to do.
Joey and Bessie return to the barbecue. Bessie suggests that they call the whole thing off, but Joey doesn't want anyone to know what has happened. As they pull up to the house, Dawson is waiting for them with a big cake. Joey puts up a good front until Dawson mentions her meeting with the guidance counselor. He doesn't know what the problem is, and she has a hard time hiding her sadness.
After she somehow manages to keep her emotions hidden, she heads into the house and runs into Pacey. Pacey is also unaware of what has happened. Joey breaks the news with tears in her eyes. Pacey tries to keep her from going out to the barbecue, but Joey insists she doesn't want anyone to know what happened. She doesn't want anyone to feel sorry for her.
Outside, Jack and Jen are still debating the New York issue. Joey arrives and they make a toast to her success. Gretchen sees Pacey heading over the grill and excuses herself to go talk to him. Joey is extremely quiet as Jack and Jen begin to fight about their college decision.
Over at the barbecue, Gretchen wants to know if all the talk of college is bothering Pacey, considering he has no plains for higher education. Pacey insists that he's not upset about college -- he knows he's not meant for it. Instead, he lets Gretchen in on Joey's little secret.
"Joey's not going to Worthington," he says. "They denied her financial aid package and she's too proud to tell anyone about it."
"That's awful," says Gretchen.
"Yeah, and it gets worse, actually," he says.
"How can it?"
He hesitates for a moment. "I'm happy about it," he admits.
Jack finds Jen out on the docks in a pensive mood. Jack wants to talk about what's wrong.
"You know how when you moved in with me and Grams, you said that you didn't want to go home because you didn't feel that there was anything there for you?" asks Jen.
"Yeah," Jack replies.
"That's how I feel about New York."
"I know you had problems with your parents, Jen, but it's not like you'd be living with them. Don't let that stop you from going."
"I don't know," says Jen. "I wish I could explain this to you. It doesn't make any sense. I'm afraid to go back there."
"I thought you were going to talk to Frost about this," says Jack.
"Yeah, he tried. I just changed the subject to one of my other neuroses."
"Well it's therapy Jen. I think it's the one place where you're not supposed to change the subject."
"Can I change it here?" she asks, tired of talking about it. "Please?"
Jack lets it go. "If you don't want to go to New York, we don't have to go to New York."
"Jack," she starts.
He interrupts, "No, it's more important to me that we go to school together. Whatever this old wound of yours is, don't let it stop you from going. You've come too far for that. Now be a good little psychologically damaged child, go back to therapy, and work this out."
They make up.
Back at the barbecue, Dawson's parents arrive with a little surprise for Dawson -- it's a package from USC...a thick package. He opens it in front of every one and learns that he's been accepted. Everyone is happy -- except for Pacey and Joey. Joey suddenly excuses herself and runs inside. Dawson follows.
Inside the house, Joey is bent over holding her head in her hands. Dawson enters.
"Are you okay?" he asks, instantly concerned about her.
"Yeah," she lies. "Congratulations."
"Congratulations? Joey, you're a wreck."
She gets up and turns towards him, attempting a smile.
"It's nothing, I'm fine," she lies again.
"Joey, whatever it is, you can tell me."
"Dawson, we're here to celebrate. You got into USC. It's what you've always wanted."
"That's right, and Worthington is what you've always wanted, so why don't you just tell me what's wrong. Did you not get in? Did you get waitlisted?"
"I didn't get the money," she finally admits. "At least I didn't get enough of it to, um...I got my financial aid package, and even with grants and workstudy, they still want fifteen thousand dollars."
"Fifteen thousand?" says Dawson, incredulously.
"They think that's what Bessie can contribute, which she can't, so..."
"Joey, there's got to be a way around this. It's just money, you can't let that stop you from achieving something you've worked this hard for."
"You make it sound likes there's some easy answer," says Joey, tears coming to her eyes.
"There's got to be," says Dawson.
"There's not. I spent hours doing research even before I applied. And getting the financial aid was as important as me getting accepted. It didn't happen. It just didn't."
Dawson thinks for a moment and suddenly has a brilliant idea.
"Worthington is what you want, right?" he asks.
"It doesn't matter what I want, Dawson."
"Yes or no?"
"Yes."
He sits down. "Then I want you to have Mr. Brooks' money."
Joey is dumbstruck. "Dawson, are you insane, I can't..."
"At least enough to get you through school," he interrupts. "I know it sounds crazy."
"It's beyond crazy. I mean, I appreciate it, but Mr. Brooks gave you that money for a reason."
"Yeah," agrees Dawson, "he gave me that money to do something great and giving it to you would be exactly that. Look, I know you're going to say no, and that's fine, but, don't say know until you've at least considered the possibility. Joey, this is your entire future we're talking about. Take a day, take longer than a day, take whatever you need, but just promise me that you will consider it."
She gives him a look of agreement and he leaves. She'll think about it.
Dawson finds Joey at home the next day. She's looking at pictures on the wall of her and Pacey, and her with Jack and Jen.
Dawson peeks his head in her door and says, "There's no picture of us in here. We'll have to do something about that."
"Yeah," she agrees. She takes a deep breath and begins. "So I though about it Dawson, I really did."
"And what did you decide?" he asks.
"I'd never be able to pay you back."
"You don't have to," he says.
"Dawson, I would. And I can't take that much money from you. I mean even if it were hundreds instead of thousands -- just even saying it makes it sound like..."
"It would ruin our friendship?" he interrupts.
"Yeah."
"Joey, if our friendship can survive last summer, it can survive anything."
"Not this, I can't do this," she says.
"Joey, stop, wait. Look I know how much going to this school means to you. I don't want you to throw away this opportunity."
"Dawson, it's too much, can't you understand that?"
"No," he says, "I can't. I can't understand why you won't just let me help you, Joe. I mean, maybe I'm being naïve here, but we've always been there for each other."
"This is different," she insists.
"How? Joey, I've watched you go through so much pain in your life. I mean, even before your mom got sick and your dad..." he trails off.
"Don't do this. Don't feel sorry for me Dawson."
"I don't. That's not what this is about. Joe, all the pain I've watched you go through -- I've never been able to fix it before. And this I can fix. All I need you to do is let me."
"I can't," she says.
"You don't even want to consider it?" he asks.
"I have. Let me say thank you and go." She turns and leaves.
Looks like Jen is now going to four therapy sessions a week. This time, she's got a lot on her mind.
"I'm ready to talk about my dad," she says. "And the last time I saw him. This is going to sound really stupid, but I can't remember the last conversation I had with him. And I'm not sure why, but I feel like I'm going to cry."
"I know it's difficult," says Dr. Frost, "but the key is to keep talking about it."
"But if I can't remember what happened, how am I supposed to keep talking about it?"
"Why don't we try another approach. Was there someone else there who can tell you what happened?"
"Like my mom?" she asks.
"Yes. Or your old boyfriend."
She shakes her head.
"Then perhaps you spent time with someone else who could help fill in the blanks?"
By the look in her eyes, we can see there is someone who can help.
Dawson appears at Pacey's house and wants to talk about Joey. He wants to know whether he thinks Joey will take the money. He feels she deserves it. Pacey becomes insulted when Dawson insinuates that what she really deserves is something more than what Pacey has to offer. Dawson denies the accusation and explains that he just wants Joey to be happy and to get what she wants.
Jen finds Drue out on the docks. She wants to talk to him about the past. He is his usual jerky self.
"I gotta ask you a question," she says. "And for once in your life, I want you to take me seriously."
"I'll see what I can do," he says, nodding in agreement.
"What happened that night that we were together in New York."
Drue lets out a laugh. "You don't remember," he says, acting like she's setting him up for something. When he sees how lost she looks, he says, "You don't, do you?"
"That's why I'm here," she says.
"Well," he begins, "you invited me over because your horrible parents were sending you away. We began at my place, where we emptied out my pop's liquor cabinet. Then we picked up some good stuff in Washington Square Park before heading back to your deluxe apartment in the sky. Now, if I remember correctly, we got particularly comfy on the sofa, heard keys in the door, and hid in your room where you continued to ravage me. It was quite mind-blowing. Especially the part where your mother walked in and joined us..."
"You're repulsive," says Jen. "Do you know that? Why are you doing this?"
"Why are you?" he asks. "The past is past Lindley. Just let it be."
"Well I'd like to, but I can't. I just need to know what happened. Will you please tell me?"
"You know what? I haven't worked through it yet." He is not divulging any information.
"You know, I thought that maybe just once you'd be able to help me out here. I guess I was wrong."
"Hey, it happens," he says, stone-faced. Jen walks away.
Dawson finds Joey contemplating her future in the yard.
"You can still sell a kidney," he says.
"This isn't a joke, Pacey," she says.
"I know that."
"I was thinking that maybe I'll stay here another year, and then declare myself financially independent, and then I can reapply."
"No," he says, kneeling down. "You're not going to stay here another year."
"It's just a year," she says.
"No it's not. It never is. Especially not in a town like this. The weeks become months, the months become years, the years become decades, pretty soon you've lived a fraction of the life your were meant to. That's not going to happen to you Joey. You don't want it to, I don't want it to, and Dawson doesn't want it to either."
Later that night, Drue appears on Jen's doorstep. Turns out he's decided he wants to talk. He feels bad about his earlier behavior and he wants to apologize. He wants to tell her the truth.
"The truth is," he says, "you were really wasted that day. And when you brought me back to your place, I was shocked. I mean, you told me about what happened with Billy, and how you guys got caught. But you still brought me home. We sat on the sofa, where you waited for me to clumsily make a move. You knew I kind of liked you, but, you really didn't seem that into it, whatever." He's starting to have trouble hiding his emotions. "We didn't get very far before your parents came home."
"And my dad?"
"Your dad. Your dad was furious. You guys just started going at it. He called you a slut, you called him a hypocrite. Just as it started getting interesting, he tossed my ass."
"So then, you don't know what else we were fighting about?"
"No. You made it very clear that it wasn't about us. Nothing that night was about us."
"I used you to provoke him, didn't I?" she asks, feeling bad for Drue. "Ugh, God, that's why you didn't want to talk about it."
"No worries. I just figured you were a lesbian or something," he tries to brush it off.
"I wish," she says. "Drue, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I used you."
"Apology accepted."
The next day Joey goes over to Dawson's house to speak with him. Dawson notices the look on her face and figures she's come to turn down the loan once again.
"Dawson," she says, "I have to tell you something, and I don't know if I can."
He stands up, suddenly concerned.
"No please," she says, "don't make this harder."
"Make what harder?" he asks.
"Telling you the truth. The night that I ran into you at the movie theater, I was trying to make sense of things too, and when you asked me that very personal question...you were right. I slept with Pacey over the ski trip."
Dawson is stunned.
"I wanted to tell you the truth," she continues, "but after all the time we spent together just walking and talking -- it was like things were right between us again. And it was better than I ever thought it could be. So when you asked me that question, I thought that you wouldn't understand."
"So you never gave me a chance to understand?" he asks.
"I know I should have told you the truth Dawson. I know it wasn't fair of me to let you go on thinking that things were still the same, that..."
"That I was the most important person in your life," he finishes.
"All I can say is I never wanted to hurt you."
Dawson lets out a helpless laugh.
"I guess I should go," says Joey, leaving.
Jen is back at the therapist's. She's upset that after all her inner struggle to get up the nerve to think about the last night with her father, she still can't remember what happened between them, apart from the fact that they had a fight.
The therapist tells her that she needs to give it time. That she's not ready to find the truth yet. That's she's here for something bigger. Then he has the biggest insight into her problems.
"You're here to stop hating yourself," he says. "See, when you act out at the age you did. When you have sex in your parents' bed at twelve years old, when you abuse liquor and drugs before you're even old enough to drive -- yes, you're doing it as a cry for love. Yes, you're doing it because something robbed you of your childhood in a way that you'll be angry about for a long time. But the reason you keep acting out, the reason you stayed on a self-destructive path is not because you blame your father for what happened. It's because you blame yourself. That's why you don't want to remember, because as long as you don't, you'll keep telling yourself that whatever happened, is your fault. And you'll keep acting out and you'll keep robbing yourself of life's greatest moments, until you prove yourself right. But you're wrong. Jennifer, you are a beautiful, innocent young woman who's meant to shine in this world in ways that you can't even begin to fathom. And I'm here to help you see that."
"So can I keep coming four times a week?" she asks with tears of happiness in her eyes.
Pacey is waiting for Joey on his porch when she arrives back from Dawson's. He wants to know what her decision was about the money. He thinks she went to Dawson's to accept the money. She tells him that she had to tell him the truth about them. Since she's sharing a moment of honest, he feels he needs to be honest with her. He admits that he was happy when he found out that she couldn't go to Worthington -- not because he doesn't want her to be happy, but because he was being selfish in wanting her to stay close to him. He feels like he's holding her back from her dreams. She adamantly denies that, but he wants her to promise that if she ever felt he was holding her back, then she would dump him. She won't make the promise.
Jack and Jen are staring at a fishbowl. It's a memory exercise that her therapist recommended to help her deal with the past. Jack thinks that she's crazy -- that the therapist is making her crazy. Jen says that if he wants to go to school in New York, then he should shut up and watch the fish. So they watch.
Joey gets home to find Dawson waiting on her dock for her. He's come to tell her that she's underestimated him.
"What you felt the other night at the movie theater, " he says, "that something was finally right between us. I felt that too. Nothing will ever change that. Not going to school on different coasts, not meeting people who we're meant to love forever, nothing. And I want you to have this." He pulls a check out of his pocket.
"But, Dawson..." she says, taking the check.
"I don't know how I feel about you sleeping with Pacey. I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow, or next week, or next year for that matter. But I'm absolutely certain that giving you this is the right thing to do. Because I'm certain about us, and what we mean to each other. And I think you are too."
She hugs him. "Thank you," she says.
"You're going to have some of the best years of your life at Worthington," he says. "And I want to hear all about them."
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